As a newly bereaved parent, lactation can be a physical and emotionally painful reminder of your recent loss. It is incredibly sad to feel our bodies furiously working to provide nourishment for the baby who is no longer alive, yet that same process establishes us as fierce, strong mothers* capable of nourishing our young. 

For some of us, the milk feels simply cruel. They want it to be gone as quickly as possible. Others feel a powerful tie to their baby through their milk. They may not want to pump or express, but having the milk there feels strangely comforting. Many of us are curious about our milk because it belongs to our baby. Some parents choose to express milk to save, have milk jewelry made, or donate in memory of their baby. It's not unusual to taste your milk, just to know what your baby would have experienced. 

Empty Arms is here to support parents through any and all emotional responses they may face in response to lactation. If you are non-binary or transgender, your pain may be exacerbated by feelings of gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, or overall feelings of discomfort, sadness, anger, and confusion. The ability to lactate varies depending on types of gender affirming medical care, such as hormone therapy, surgery, and changes in your routine gender affirming care as a result of your pregnancy. Transgender and non-binary parents may practice chest binding as a gender affirming practice and a method to suppress milk production. However, binding to cease lactation is not medically advisable as it may result in atrophy, engorgement, or mastitis. We want you to know that you have choices, and we are here to support you.

Many years ago, founder Carol McMurrich co-authored this pamphlet on Lactation after Loss with a local lactation counselor. It is now being used in over 20 states nationwide. The pamphlet is different from the advice many bereaved parents receive in the hospital or from websites. This is because it addresses the emotional complications we experience in response to experiencing their own milk. 

If you are struggling with how to cope with lactation and would like further thoughts or advice, please contact us right away. We can help you determine how to best weather this difficult physical process and the emotions that come with it. Please contact us here, or call 413-570-0811 for help contacting a lactation consultant. We also recommend watching this video, which can show you how to gently massage your breasts and hand-express milk to ease the pain. 

*We honor that not all lactating parents identify as mothers. However, for many the use of the word mother is important and supportive language. Empty Arms honors the different ways that people experience loss and lactation and works to be an inclusive, safe, and welcoming space for all.