Meet our Support Group Facilitator: Eric Atstupenas

My partner and I struggled with infertility for several years before we finally received a positive pregnancy result.  This day was the happiest day of my life.  However, it would be short-lived.  During the fetal anatomy ultrasound at 19 weeks into the pregnancy, we learned that our daughter, Hadley Maeve, had several severe brain malformations.  We learned over the next four weeks, her prognosis was “grim”, and if she were even to make it full term – which they believed to be highly unlikely – she would have a shortened lifespan; would likely not be able to see or hear; would not recognize us; would be unable to sit, stand or walk; would never live independently; would undergo many medical procedures in order to keep her alive, none of which would help to improve her condition; would have uncontrollable seizures which could not be ameliorated by medication; would not be able to breathe or eat on her own; and would be in pain and suffering during the entirety of her short life. 

So, my partner and I made the decision that no parent should ever have to make and chose to spare her any pain by inducing labor early at 23 weeks gestation.  Hadley Maeve was born and passed away on February 19, 2021.  In those few moments, our hearts melted with love and pride for having the honor of being her parents.

Carol McMurrich and Empty Arms have been integral in our grief journey and process.  We have attended countless group sessions, participated heavily with the community, and made many friends in the process.  I have also had the honor of being a part of several closed group sessions dedicated to those who identify themselves as “men” or “dads” in the loss community.  As a non-birthing parent, we hold this space to honor, witness, and support our unique grief process and experience.

Apart from Empty Arms, my time in nature and my work with the elements, and energy medicine have been fundamental in my grief journey.  I enjoy working with other practitioners to develop and host workshops for fellow loss parents.  Through ritual and community, we work to restore balance in our lives and to visit our healing process.

Eric co-facilitates our Dad’s Bereavement Support Group.