This page was created to fill some of the void of a lack of support for single people whose babies have died through miscarriage, stillbirth, early infant death, or termination for medical reasons (TFMR). The grief that follows the loss of a baby is painful and complicated for all parents. However, single parents often face significant challenges that couples are less likely to experience. 

Regardless of whether you are single by choice or because of circumstance, your baby matters and your loss is no less significant than anyone else’s. At Empty Arms, we have supported many single parents from different walks of life. We affirm that your grief, sadness and longing are real and important. 

Empty Arms aims to provide comprehensive support to all individuals and families we meet, free of charge. We acknowledge that your journey to parenthood may have been more complicated than partnered people. And we know that you may also receive less support from family and society than other bereaved parents. If you feel most comfortable, we can connect you with a single parent who shares a similar experience to you.

How to use Empty Arms

Many people have reported feeling confused and alone after leaving the hospital or office and wished they had someone they could talk to for emotional support.

We have a system set up to help you get this help easily. You can choose from among these three options: 

Text 413-570-0811 and send the message "Single Support". When we receive this message, we will have one of our pregnancy loss support leaders give you a call back as soon as they possibly can.

Call us directly: 413-570-0811. If we don't answer, leave us a message and we'll call or text you back. We are available to help talk you through your options, your anxieties, and your feelings on a peer level.

Send us an email explaining your situation and what you'd like help with via our contact form.

Beyond telephone support, a companion may be able to come to see you for an in-person visit if this would be helpful. We encourage you to reach out if you're feeling isolated and would like support.

Resources

Bereaved single parents are often left out of conversations about pregnancy and infant loss. Most resources are created for people in committed relationships, especially those who are married. Many grief specific books and websites briefly mention single parents while focusing on those who divorced after their baby died, or financially resourced women who chose to become pregnant on their own (single moms by choice). Though these experiences matter, these resources exclude people without steady partners and the many circumstances that lead to single parenthood. While we hope you will find some of the resources on this page helpful, we acknowledge the severe gap in support for single people who have lost their baby.

Virtual Support Groups

Empty Arms offers various free monthly virtual support groups where you can find community and make connections with other single parents.

Postpartum Support International offers free support groups for pregnancy and infant loss, including groups specifically for Black moms, NICU parents, queer & trans parents, and family and friends.

Note: As of July 2022 PSI does not offer their own Spanish language support groups as listed on their site. 

Articles & Stories

At 24, my unplanned pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was told to "just try again later." by Katherine Bergmann- Katherine was 24 and living in a group home when she found out she was pregnant with a man she was casually dating. After deciding to continue the pregnancy and raise her baby, she moves into her parents and quickly falls in love with her unborn baby. Soon after, she learns she will likely miscarry through routine prenatal visits, and she does. 

Daddit Thread- I just lost my child. I have no idea how to continue. Started in 2015 after a dad lost his 7-week-old son, this Reddit thread is full of compassionate advice and empathy from dads and other men who’ve experienced pregnancy and child loss. 

Grieving as a Single Parent - Still Standing Magazine by Robynne Knight- Robynne and her ex-husband separated shortly before their stillborn daughter was due. She explores loss through the lens of a person simultaneously experiencing the loss of their baby and marriage.

Miscarriage as a single woman: No partner to cry with, but no marriage to keep afloat, either - The Washington Post by Susan Henderson- A single mother by choice, Susan reflects on multiple miscarriages in her late 30s through early 40s after conceiving through varying fertility treatments. She went on to give birth to a living child at the age of 42.

The Emotional Pain of Having an Early Miscarriage as a Single Mom | ESME by Stephanie Portell- Written in story form, Stephanie recounts the day she miscarried and the pain of going through it alone.

Books & Booklets

The Bereaved Lone Parent by The Compassionate Friends 

“Never Forgotten: Stories of love, loss, and healing after miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death.” by Mia Freedman & Rebecca Sparrow- full download available here http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/files/NeverForgotten.pdf?_ga=1.64822191.1278425925.1470378799&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=Download&utm_term=Pregnancy%20Loss&utm_content=PDF&utm_campaign=Never%20Forgotten

“What God is Honored Here?: Writings on Miscarriage and Infant Loss by and for Native Women and Women of Color” by Shannon Gibney & Kao Kalia Yang, Editors

“It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand” by Megan Devine- This book is not specific to pregnancy or infant loss. But we return to it often at Empty Arms because of its relatability.

“Empty Cradle, Broken Heart” by Deborah Davis- This book has a brief section specifically for single parents. 

Glow In The Woods and Sisters In Loss are great online resources with expansive booklists.

Podcasts

As Long As I’m Living: Hosted by friends Alina and Judith who met after their sons died of SIDS in 2020, this podcast touches on many aspects of baby loss and life after. Alina separated from her son’s other parent around the time of his death, and their divorce was finalized in August 2022. Here are some suggested episodes:

Ep. 1- The Bottom 

Ep. 4- Alina’s bad day

Ep. 13- Meet Kaylee, an Interview with Quinn’s (other) parent

Ep. 48- Calamity, and Interview about Race and Infant Loss with Emy Collins, Bash’s Mom

Sisters In Loss: This is a faith-based online resource created for Black women by Erica McAfee. The SIL podcast features the stories and experiences of Black women experiencing pregnancy and infant loss, and infertility. There are hundreds of great episodes to listen to, but here are a few suggestions:

Ep. 189 – Ambiguous Loss & Grief after Child Loss with Alshante Squire

Ep. 227- Surviving Infertility, Mental Illness, and Involuntary Hysterectomy with Vanessa Goodar

Ep. 243- Surrogacy and Infertility and The Colorless Womb with Kimberly Gowdy 

Ep. 257- Miscarriage and Single Motherhood with Kourtney Mcgowan

Terrible, Thanks for Asking: Nora McInerny miscarried her second child, and lost her husband and father to cancer within weeks in 2014. She hosts TTFA, which honestly answers the question no grieving person wants to hear, “How are you?” Here are some episodes:

Ep. 1- Sad Nora and the Secret Baby

Happy(ish) Holidays

Welcome To The Club

How Long Should Grief Last (Warning: This episode talks about the DSM-5 controversial new diagnosis: prolonged grief disorder. Empty Arms DOES NOT believe there are any timelines on grief. Neither do Nora or the guest on this episode.)

Lactation After Loss 

As a newly bereaved parent, lactation can be a physical and emotionally painful reminder of your recent loss. Different bodies’ ability to lactate vary depending on many factors, including biological determinants, pain management as a result of your pregnancy, environmental stressors, and gender affirming medical care. 

Empty Arms is here to support parents through any and all emotional responses they may face in response to lactation. We want you to know that you have choices. Parents can choose what to do with their milk when a baby dies. For most, that’s suppression, while few may choose to pump and donate milk to babies in need. We do not recommend binding as a method to cease lactation as it may result in atrophy, engorgement, or mastitis. 

If you are struggling with how to cope with lactation and would like further thoughts or advice, please contact us right away. We can help you determine how to best weather this difficult physical process and the emotions that come with it. Please contact us here for help contacting a lactation consultant. For more support, visit our Lactation after Loss resource page.